Whenever I'm having an issue with my children, I search around to get ideas or advice. I think turning to those more knowledgable than yourself is something worth doing. Medical professionals are my first source, school teachers second, family and friends next, and as a last resort random Google rearch. The more children a person has, or the more children they've experienced, the more likely I am to buy what they're selling. What really gets my goat is how frequently people (mostly random internet people or parents of only children) turn to "just cuddle them. They must not be ready yet. They need more comforting." This could be true. I think cuddling your child is a great thing. A child that feels loved is a child that is going to be secure and confident, and transition more easliy on their own. That sliver of time, in which a rolling blob of drool and chub transforms into a creature that can answer questions and run to the door at the recognition of a word. Its glides smoothly into the phase in which defiance and testing limits are a common discussion, aka "terrible twos." But i would argue this phase begins well before two. As soon as a child is able to recognize cause and effect, a child is able to test boundaries. Baby question: "I want my milk" Baby test 1: *cry* Toddler question: "I want my milk" Toddler test 1: *cry* Toddler test 2: point Toddler test 3: stands up and gets milk The main issue is parents who react to crying EVERY TIME. Crying is an infants only form of communication. But as they phase into a 1 yr old, which phases into an 18 month old, to two and so on, they gain more skills and abilities. This never allows the 13 month old to realize there are other solutions. It robs them of utilizing their problem solving skills. I'm not suggesting parents should ignore their children and let them scream. I'm suggesting that you, to the best of your ability, help TEACH them there are other methods to getting what they need. I say need, because it's also important to teach small children that every time they want something, doesn't mean it has to happen (Need vs want). Toddler: "I want my milk" Parent help 1: say "here's your milk" and show them the cup Parent help 2: move the cup half way toward the child, say "come get your milk. You can do it" Parent help 3: gently take the child's hand and move it toward the cup, saying "here's your milk. You can get it. Good job, you can get your milk" Parent help 4: put the child's hands on the cup, and move their elbows up to help them tilt the cup. Try to move your hands away until they're holding the cup in their own. None of this is ignoring a child. It's providing support to allow a child to learn new skills and gain independence. You're providing a scaffolding to the new learning structure they're building. INDEPENDENCE IS A LEARNED SKILL Even as an adult, if I had the option to be waited on at the ring of a bell, I would take it. Little ones start to use crying in this way as they gain the skills but don't practuce them. As your child becomes their own person, they need to see their parents as Caregivers, a loving support system, NOT as minions. The other side of this coin is the pushy parent. The one who says things like "MY child was drinking from a sippy cup at 5 months, on their own" or "my child was potty trained at 1." I'm not recommending this either. All children progress differently. And it's not a pissing contest either. It's not about reaching milestones early, or accomplishing tasks like a trained dog. It's about you and your child developing a way of communicating with eachother so that they feel secure to try things, and you can begin to tell the difference between a "need" cry and a "fuck this, do it for me slave" cry. (I swear to you, the second type exists). No matter what you do, they'll all be fine by the time theyre adults (hopefully). It's just a matter of establishing boundaries and making the full transition into toddlerhood as smooth as possible, for both child and parent. No matter what road we take, it's the same goal in mind. But ffs, don't underestimate that child's intelligence. They're pretty damned smart.
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2/17/2015 0 Comments Dr Who party: banner2/17/2015 0 Comments Dr who party: invitationsThis was another un-original idea, inspired by Pinterest finds. Here's three very similar versions you can buy from etsy or wherever, as we speak (probably): Here's my version. I found a tardis in a Google image search, and photo shopped it into this baby here: The printed section is one piece, which I meticulously cut out.* The doors fold to have color on front and back. I used rubber cement between the door fold,, then wedged the whole thing in a book to get it to dry flat. Once it was dry, I rubber cemented the back to a large sheet of poster board, and placed a book on top to weigh it down. (Could have used card stock or any firm paper. Just for stiffness). Then I cut it out a second time, being careful to get as close to the door hinge as possible without severing it.We found a pack of royal blue envelopes at Walmart for around $2.60. Bada-bing, bada-boom! Invites done.** Now for pretty photo instructions so there's no need to read this last paragraph: I've been meaning to upload the file, but it's on my "good intentions" list. I'll get around to it eventually. *i never cut anything too meticulously. I cut corners wherever possible. **and by that I mean 4 hours later. 2/10/2015 1 Comment Dr who party: wall artI wanted to have a cluster of picture frames behind the couch, but had been procrastinating since I knew it meant going on a hunt for pictures. But with the party coming up and trying to get the house prepared for guests, on top of knowing I wanted quotes displayed for decoration, the two just magically meshed together. The result being a magical medely of prettiness that's difficult to photograph. Most of the frames were purchased at the dollar store. I painted them with the extra teal blue that I used in my kitchen cabinets, which was originally $8 from Home Depot (it's shitty chalky paint. But who cares). Here's some of the art I found from my google image searches. I can't pay tribute to the original creators, since that's been lost to the internets. Much of the point was for quote art, and to save my printer the ink and to personalize it, I used some brand new pretty gel pens to draw up a few things. I'll make a new post for that. This is already a bit rambling. Also, that awesome 3D fez art. 12/25/2014 0 Comments Eeeeewwww! Ew ew ew ew!12/25/2014 0 Comments Star Trek Quiet Book. Complete!!I got this idea from another blog. I personalized it, and finally got it finished. I learned a few things 1) I hate hand stitching 2) hot glue is awesome 3) permanent marker isn't good for writing on felt 4) quiet books shouldn't be double sided *Star Trek quiet book* I saw this on Pinterest: http://juliegillrie.blogspot.de/2011/09/my-star-trek-quiet-book.html?m=1 And it's an adorable little project! I was excited to make one for my own little one. But I had a few issues. 1) turns out, I hate embroidering things. And hand stitching? That's for the birds. 2) I didn't want to mix original series and TNG. 3) I wanted to see if I could include more exploratory tactile things. So I used this as a base and made a few changes. My plan was to stitch all the parts together, but if I had to do that this project would already be in the trash. Against my perfectionism, I decided to glue. And not only that but the fastest glue I know, HOT glue! I can zip through this thing in no time! It adds bulk though. And it has the potential to melt things or glob up or become less flexible. I'm trying to spread it thin though. It's hopefully secure enough to withstand a toddler. 12/4/2014 0 Comments A bike projectAnother gift on the cheap, is hopefully a bike makeover for my oldest. She asked for a bike for a while before I got her a 'temporary' one from a yard sale. The guy wanted $10 but I pretended I only had $8. It's not much to look at but she was greatful. Sometimes I feel bad for giving her the short straw all the time, but I try to atone by allowing other privladges like very few limits on tv and phone. (Partly because I don't want to seem like a hypocrite when I zombie out on mine). Anywho. We had discussed a makeover before, but I'm guessing she assumes the project has been given up on with as many times as I've postponed it. A Google image search turned up this bike for inspiration: Here's the before. Wish me luck! Updates to follow! In a world without children, the normal expected way to enjoy a movie can take place. You watch it, decide if you enjoyed it or not, and move on with life. Maybe you see it again at a friends place or see it running in a store. Perhaps this changes your opinion, perhaps it doesn't. You make your choice like a well informed consumer. Post children, it's an entirely different ball game. You usually see the movie the first time as a treat for your children, and as a means of getting a break. Because often, as a parent, movies and television are the only moments of stillness you receive. Children are little bundles of endless energy. And their bodies are continuously bobbing about like rolling waves. They crave touch. Even before they can really talk, they babble at you and hand you things and climb on you. Which is adorable. But a movie becomes a moment to recoup (or clean, or shower). And regardless how a parent feels about a movie, the #1 thing that matters is how the child responds. If it doesn't draw them in and calm them, there's no point in it. It's useless. Sometimes for background noise, and for the parent to have on something appropriate to watch, because all visual stimuli becomes potentially repeatable behavior. #2 for me is "would I want my child behaving this way." This is why I hated Hanna Montana for my daughter. I felt like I was always saying "no! She should have gone to her dad and told the truth! That was a bad idea! That's not safe!" Even though it was stupid and unrealistic. It was humorous, just more of a 'how not to act' guide. Kids are little sponges. They love to repeat their favorite lines and catch phrases. A classroom of children will chime in a three second bit from a commercial as if on repeat. This, too, can be absolutely adorable. But only if it's appropriate and not too grating on the nerves. Then comes #3, do I enjoy the movie. Often, not at first. But those moments of stillness are precious. I'd love one a day if possible. I'm all for leaving the tv on all day. Silence is weird. And the zeitgeist of our times is to fill our mind body with electronic entertainment. Who am I to fight that? I'm a product of super NES, cable television, Disney movies. Why should I deprive my children? But that's another issue all together. In any case, my now 12 yr old was little, she'd throw both arms up in the air and happily cheer "yiun keen" until I pressed play on the lion king on our VCR. And when it ended, she'd throw those cute chubby little baby arms back up and shout "yiun keen! Yiun keen!!" With an eager little smile until I pressed play again. She didn't sit still the entire time, she played toys and talked to herself. But she'd dance to the music and cheer for more when it was over. Who can resist that?? And as for the parent, it's like the 'pocket full of sunshine' card clip from the movie "Easy A." (http://youtu.be/NYTS7NBDKKU) The decision of liking the movie didn't come from within, it overcame you like a Dementors kiss. I should point out that some movies or shows only become more annoying the more you watch them. Do not ask me to watch Ice Age with you. The grating lisp of 'Sid' and the endless fart jokes fill me wth the rage of Rosanne Bar in the Movie SheDevil. I might not seem bothered now, but I could potentially be plotting a house fire. |
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