4/9/2015 0 Comments Balancing life with dreamsI have such good intentions. And a to do list the length of my arm. Part of the curse of the creative brain is when you're flooded with ideas that would be awesome if you had endless 1)time 2)money 3)focus. Life endlessly gets in the way. And if you manage to grip tight to one idea, the challenge becomes fighting off other ideas that either detract or distract. In addition, the ideas that often seem the best are the ones that don't mesh with who I naturally am, as an individual. I've had to come to terms with a few sad truths, and in doing so, it's made the projects I have started working on more fruitful. We need to be more purposeful in our decisions, and know when to force out those creative thoughts. They're a blessing, and a curse. A few of my inexcapable truths: -I'm messy. I want a clean house so bad, but to get it is a constant battle. I will never be a Monica Geller. I need to prepare myself, that even the simplest of maintenece, will be a struggle to finish. And I can't allow myself to slack even a little. -I'm cheap. If it costs a lot of money to get done well, I won't do it. Especially if it's something that has uncertain outcomes. I want some things to be splurged on, but even when I save up I can't pull the trigger. Nothing ever seems worth it. -I'm lazy. If I can't blog on my cell phone, I likely won't do it at all. If I have to leave the house to do it, there's even less of a chance. I choose the path of least resistance every time. I keep thinking I'll have motivation to prioritize whatever it is, but siting on my ass wins Every. Single. Time. -I'm shy. I want to be able to "put myself out there." In my head, I'm a dynamo. I'm confident and funny and loud. But in reality? I won't speak up in a group of there are more than 4 people. I won't dress up to comicon because I don't want people looking at me. Being the center of attention makes me shrink. But despite knowing all this, I walk through stores that don't exist. I watch movies that have never been made. I dance choreography that I wouldn't physically be able to do if I tried. I see all these brilliant, and funny, and beautiful things in my mind as if they existed. Sometimes it becomes so distracting that I forget to see the things in front of me, like two growing babies that won't be little forever. Like a husband who works hard all day to provide for us, and doesn't have the luxury of wearing sweatpants all day. Like a teenager on the cusp of becoming an adult and moving away, that I should appreciate while she still has a shred of respect for me. My life is so much richer than I give it credit for. I need to remind myself to take a step back periodically. I'm not even talking about making great art, (which in itself is a crushing task if that's what you start out working towards), I'm talking about making or doing ANYTHING. I keep seeing funny little videos on YouTube, or comical/cartoonish photoshop creations. And all I can think is "do you know how many HOURS of work that fart joke took??" Knowing what's worth putting the effort into and what's not is my struggle. Knowing when to focus on the creative vision and when to focus on a productive and functioning family is another struggle. I'm always saying to myself "if you have 2 hours to spend on a doodle, you have 2 hrs to work out." Which turns in to "if you have time and energy to work out, you have time and energy to tackle the dishes" which turns into "aw man, I hate dishes. I guess I'll just sit around in my sweatpants." So here I sit. Fat, in a messy house, with nothing to show for the last 2 hrs. This doesn't seem like the best solution, but it's my 'go-to' logic. I need to find a better way of balancing all the things I want to do, and find a way to get the motivation to do it.
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