Whenever I'm having an issue with my children, I search around to get ideas or advice. I think turning to those more knowledgable than yourself is something worth doing. Medical professionals are my first source, school teachers second, family and friends next, and as a last resort random Google rearch. The more children a person has, or the more children they've experienced, the more likely I am to buy what they're selling. What really gets my goat is how frequently people (mostly random internet people or parents of only children) turn to "just cuddle them. They must not be ready yet. They need more comforting." This could be true. I think cuddling your child is a great thing. A child that feels loved is a child that is going to be secure and confident, and transition more easliy on their own. That sliver of time, in which a rolling blob of drool and chub transforms into a creature that can answer questions and run to the door at the recognition of a word. Its glides smoothly into the phase in which defiance and testing limits are a common discussion, aka "terrible twos." But i would argue this phase begins well before two. As soon as a child is able to recognize cause and effect, a child is able to test boundaries. Baby question: "I want my milk" Baby test 1: *cry* Toddler question: "I want my milk" Toddler test 1: *cry* Toddler test 2: point Toddler test 3: stands up and gets milk The main issue is parents who react to crying EVERY TIME. Crying is an infants only form of communication. But as they phase into a 1 yr old, which phases into an 18 month old, to two and so on, they gain more skills and abilities. This never allows the 13 month old to realize there are other solutions. It robs them of utilizing their problem solving skills. I'm not suggesting parents should ignore their children and let them scream. I'm suggesting that you, to the best of your ability, help TEACH them there are other methods to getting what they need. I say need, because it's also important to teach small children that every time they want something, doesn't mean it has to happen (Need vs want). Toddler: "I want my milk" Parent help 1: say "here's your milk" and show them the cup Parent help 2: move the cup half way toward the child, say "come get your milk. You can do it" Parent help 3: gently take the child's hand and move it toward the cup, saying "here's your milk. You can get it. Good job, you can get your milk" Parent help 4: put the child's hands on the cup, and move their elbows up to help them tilt the cup. Try to move your hands away until they're holding the cup in their own. None of this is ignoring a child. It's providing support to allow a child to learn new skills and gain independence. You're providing a scaffolding to the new learning structure they're building. INDEPENDENCE IS A LEARNED SKILL Even as an adult, if I had the option to be waited on at the ring of a bell, I would take it. Little ones start to use crying in this way as they gain the skills but don't practuce them. As your child becomes their own person, they need to see their parents as Caregivers, a loving support system, NOT as minions. The other side of this coin is the pushy parent. The one who says things like "MY child was drinking from a sippy cup at 5 months, on their own" or "my child was potty trained at 1." I'm not recommending this either. All children progress differently. And it's not a pissing contest either. It's not about reaching milestones early, or accomplishing tasks like a trained dog. It's about you and your child developing a way of communicating with eachother so that they feel secure to try things, and you can begin to tell the difference between a "need" cry and a "fuck this, do it for me slave" cry. (I swear to you, the second type exists). No matter what you do, they'll all be fine by the time theyre adults (hopefully). It's just a matter of establishing boundaries and making the full transition into toddlerhood as smooth as possible, for both child and parent. No matter what road we take, it's the same goal in mind. But ffs, don't underestimate that child's intelligence. They're pretty damned smart.
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